at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
