Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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