She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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