I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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