She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
