So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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