so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
