i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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