I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
