I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
