So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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