I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
