This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
