He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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