I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
