I accidentally burped into my bong.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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