I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
