I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
