i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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