He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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