census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize