Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
