That's intense
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Too much gin, very little bucket
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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