Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
