just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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