Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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