Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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