I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
