Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
