wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
