So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
