I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
