He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
