Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize