paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize