I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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