I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize