real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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