he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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