you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize