all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
