The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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