He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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