dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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