I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
