I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Semen is not good for contacts.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think people are normalizing furries
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
