You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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