Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
