did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
