I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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