Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
