yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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