Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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