just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
