Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
