We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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