I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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