It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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