these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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