I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
