Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
