My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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