He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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