she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
