Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
