I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
