Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
