Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
