This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
