did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
