he thought i was a dude.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
