remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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