Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
