So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize