I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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