so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
