I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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