Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Damn victory sex feels great
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
