I wish my penis had an off switch
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
