i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
